-Geronda,for years now I have not wept for any of
my faults;I have not shed a single tear.Does this meanthat i am not truly repentant?
-Don't you grieve for a mistake you made?
-I do but perhaps the pain is shallow.
-Don't draw conclusions from tears.Certainly,tears
are a sign of repentance,but not the only one.Some people will cry,and then laugh just as easily.Pain of heart and the inner sigh are inner tears,which are superior tothe external ones.There was a poor man who used to say,
'O Father,I'm so hardhearted!I don't have a single tear!
My heart is like a stone.There is such hardheartedness in me!"Although he was in fact very sensitive,he felt himself to be hardhearted because he didn't weep.He sighed,however,deeply over his sinfulness,and one could see that he was sighing from the depths of his heart!On the other hand,another person can cry and then laugh,back
and forth,his emotions as changeable as spring weather.
For example, seeing an unfortunate person, someone may be moved to tears and then pat himself on the back;"Oh,how I share in the sufferings of other people!"Or,if one prays and sheds a few tears,he'll say,"Oh,God hears my
prayer because it is accompanied by tears" and he finds comfort in his emotions and sentimentality.
There are also the inconsolable tears. these
come from the devil.These have no repentance in them; rather,they indicate a bruised ego.Such a person is weeping egotistically for his fall.He is wounded because his carelessness has caused him to lose face in the eyes of others, and not because he has grieved God,and thus he suffers doubly;loss of face,and loss of consolation from true repentance.
Such tears are selfish tears,resembling the change
of judas's heart,,who betrayed Christ and then went to the Pharisees and told them,I have sinned.But they responded mockingly,What is that to us?See thou to that.
Offended by this response,Judas threw the money angrily at them and hanged himself out of pride.However if he had gone back to Christ and said,"Forgive and bless me,Lord,"he would have been saved.
Taken from, Spiritual Counsels Vol3 "SPIRITUAL STRUGGLE"
Elder Paisios
