Let
us suppose that a beneficial thought has been accepted by and occupies
our attention. Now we must hasten to lead it to a level of awakening at
which it will become a strong linchpin, easily and powerfully leading
all our inward parts into action. For this we must give it a wide berth
to pass inward, and for that we must perform, let us say, an operation
on ourselves as the most necessary and most effective preparation for
awakening.
Such an operation should be in opposition to those
subtle nets, or against the habits and inclinations that imprison a
person in sin. Sin entangles a soul by its many nets, or hides itself
from the soul by its many coverings; because sin is ugly in and of
itself, and one glance finds it repulsive. The covering that is deepest
and closest to the heart is comprised of self-deception, insensitivity and carelessness; over them and closer to the surface lie absent-mindedness and much-caring, the chief players, which hide and feed sin and sinful habits and conditions. The uppermost covering is prevalence of the flesh, which is the most visible covering, no less strong and significant.
The first covering (self-deception, insensitivity
and carelessness) is the essential one. It prevents the person from
seeing the danger of his condition and undercuts his desire to change.
The second two are essentially only instruments — they only magnify and
support the sinful condition. When divine grace comes unto the
separation of soul and spirit, it strikes directly against the
first covering and tears it apart. Under its action the sinful person is
completely uncovered and stands before his own consciousness in all his
ugliness. But when the person is seeking grace-filled awakening
himself, he has to begin from the outside and work his way in.
Thus, if you want to properly contemplate the
thought that has been presented to you about your sinful life, begin by
removing the sinful coverings as one would remove layers of earth in
order to expose a treasure buried beneath.
The Body.
First of all, go after the body.
Refuse it delights and pleasures, restrict indulgences in even the most
natural needs; lengthen the hour of vigil, decrease the usual amount of
food, add labor to labor. Mainly, in whatever way you want or are able,
lighten the flesh, thin its corpulence. Through this the soul will free
itself of the bonds of matter, will become more energetic, lighter, and
more receptive to good impressions. The material body prevailing over
the soul communicates to the soul the body's lethargy and coldness.
Physical ascetic labors weaken these bonds and eliminate their effects.
True, not every sinner lives unrestrainedly and indulges the body. But
it would be hard to find an individual in normal life who does not have
something he would do well to refuse the body once the desire for
salvation touches his heart. And the goal is very significant — it
completely changes one's activity. What you have done previously
according to habit, or in support of your usual occupations, you now
begin to do with some changes and additional austerity for the sake of
salvation — and there will be tangible results.
Cares and Scattered Thoughts.
The body burdens the soul from the outside; cares and scattered thoughts
wear it down from within. Let us suppose that the flesh is already
humbled — this, the first step, was taken. But two barriers divide the
soul from its own self.
Cares do not leave any time to work on
oneself. When they are present, you have one matter on your hands and
ten more in your head. That is why they push a person always further
onward, not giving him the opportunity to look back and see himself.
Therefore, you must put aside cares for a time, all without exception.
You will take up your usual affairs later on, but for now let them
cease, fling them from your hands and throw them out of your thoughts.
But once the cares have ceased, the whirlwind still
remains in the head — one thought after another, one in agreement,
another diametrically opposed. The soul is scattered, and the mind
swings in different directions and thus does not allow you to retain
anything lasting and steadfast. Collect your scattered children into
one, like a pastor gathers his flock, or like a glass gathers scattered
rays, and turn them back on yourself.
The desire to go deeper within yourself and work on
yourself, to cut off your scattered thoughts and cares, of course
inevitably requires the following means: solitude on one hand and on the
other, cessation of usual occupations both personal and duty-related.
First of all, this humbling of the flesh requires a change in the way
you satisfy your natural needs. In this light, the most convenient time
to change your life should be considered to be during a fast, especially
Great Lent. Everything is set up for this during Lent — at home, in
church, and even in society. During this time everything is looked upon
as preparation for repentance. Just the same, this does not mean that
when the beneficial thought has come to change your life, you should put
off its fulfillment until the Fast begins. Everything required during
this time can be fulfilled at any other time, other than the fasting.
But when the holy Fast has arrived it is a sin to miss the chance to
take care for the salvation of your soul, as it is often missed at
another time. If anyone who has had the salvific thought outside of the
Fast to change his life, and whose hinders him from carrying it out, it
would be better for him to retreat for a time to a monastery. There it
will be easier for him to master himself.
Carelessness, Insensitivity and Blindness.
Now you stand before your heart. Before
you is your inner man, sunk in the deep slumber of carelessness,
insensitivity and blindness. Begin to awaken it. The beneficial thought
that came has already troubled it a little. Step up to it with great
good hope and mighty mental exertion, collecting all your attention, and
begin to force on yourself various ideas, more or less strong and
startling, accepting them all into your inner state.
First of all remove the veils from the eyes of your mind that keep your mind in a state of blindness.
If a person does not deny sin and run from it, then that is because he
does not know himself and the danger he is in for the sake of his sin.
If his eyes were opened he would run from sin as he would run from a
house engulfed in flames. Such blindness is the result of
inattentiveness to himself — the person does not know himself because he
has never entered inside himself, and has never thought about himself
or his moral condition. But for the most part his blindness is supported
by certain prejudices concerning himself. The person creates a net of
thoughts, systematically closing himself off to himself. Perhaps these
thoughts are but as spider webs — that is, they are of the slightest
probability, but the mind never took them apart carefully, and the heart
speaks very loudly of their reality and truthfulness. This is moral
delusion or prejudice which comes from the heart's intrusion into things
belonging to the reason. That is why it is necessary to unite
particular soberness to deep attention at this moment, renouncing every
deceit of an evil heart. If the heart needs to feel something at this
moment, let it feel it under the influence of the mind's formulations,
and not all by itself, sort of running ahead. Otherwise it will again
force the reason to imagine things as the heart likes; again it will
force the reason to submit to the heart, again bringing disorder to the
understanding and, instead of enlightening, it will only sink it into
deeper blindness.
An excerpt from "The Path to Salvation"
By St.Theophan the Recluse
